Science
The last post was about magical thinking, now I want to talk about science.
I got so deep in psychosis that I almost abandoned science altogether. I was convinced of the strange delusions I had, some of them tortured me, but others made me love myself in a way I never managed before, and others made me do and experience very strange things. Now that I'm medicated, a lot of that is gone, sadly including some important positive things. I embrace science almost fully now, especially since beginning this weight loss journey.
I replaced a lot of magical thinking with understanding about the mechanics of what constitutes life, or at least the desire to understand them more. Whenever I have a doubt about nutrition, or psychology, or history, I start digging through AI, wikipedia, or youtube.
I think there are different worlds, some are more in tune with magical thinking, others are strictly scientific, others cherish both. Whether one of them is the objectively realest one, I don't know. But the world I am in right now is almost completely based on science, but taking into account the delusions that survived my previous worlds. I ask AI about my delusions, and it can provide explanations. There are some things I experienced or believed that AI or science won't be able to explain, and for therapy I resort to getting interpretations from esoteric or sci-fi angles.
Now that I'm in this track, I value science and the journey of a scientist much more. And it is my advice to any young person, maybe in high school or college, to get interested in it and achieve substantial depth and skill at it, instead of realizing you should have decades later.
Sure some thing can't be explained, and they won't be explained, unless you ask me. But most things can be explained. Our own body is an amazing complex and resilient machine that allows us to live, and understanding to even use it properly can take a long time of study and practice. Everything around us, surprising or not, is dictated by chemistry, physics, biology, it's a conversation anyone can join.
I consider the more magical thinking worlds and professions, like witchcraft, to be less impressive than a modern day scientist.
To me some witchcraft can mean having an unchecked noisy mind, fine tuned to create damage or force outcomes, and I believe that's something anybody can do if they don't feel fulfilled. Witchcraft through poison and food would rely on chemistry heavily too, making science the reason for its existence even in heavy magical thinking worlds.
However I know the places magical thinking can take me, so I still respect it.
A scientist however, has a whole universe to study, through many lens and perspectives. The journey of understanding everything might have no end. But most important is the practicality of the knowledge, the mastery of skills, building impressive things, fixing what must be fixed, making people happy, building bridges.
At 38 years old I've been realizing that while I enjoy knowing and thinking a lot about things, I've reached some sort of dead-end when it comes to practicality, on making real life impacts. Sure I built great software, I know how to do that, that was my specialization, but I didn't adhere enough to the momentum of a life of science that would take me deeper and further. I got given a seat at the side of the river, where I can't bother too much, left to my things, in peace, but with some frustrations. Not to mention that my brain feels slower now. While I've been trying to learn how to get good at chess, the general idea is that I won't be able to achieve high ELO. Some things are meant to be done while your head is still young.
Magical thinking can make you live in a world where most things have a lot of meaning, and that can be very special, but I don't think it's sustainable or foundational. I'm not saying magical thinking ought to be abandoned, I actually consider it important, because finding meaning can be hard. I just think it needs to be a small component, providing some wonder in a world where science triumphs.